Brilliant Letter of Complaint to Ryanair


I believe this is an genuine letter sent to Ryanair. I found it at where you can read more about it.

Posted to Ryan Air today;

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing for the attention of your customer experience team. I am definitely a customer, and believe me, you didn’t fail providing us with an experience.

My wife and I had booked to fly from Stansted on the Thursday 17th April, evening flight to Bratislava. After 2 hours of fun, fun, fun, stuck on the M25 doing 20 mph, we arrived at Stansted check in with just one hour until the flight. Knowing the strict Ryan Air policy on ‘check in closes 40 mins before the flight’ as you are the Low Fare Taxi of The Skies, we went straight to the Ryan Air assistant and explained our plight. She said we were still within the time and all would be fine but we had to make the attendant at check in aware and he would assist from there.

We approached the attendant as instructed and explained. Unfortunately, in the main part, due to him being a child, and forgetting to bring his mother to work, he heard only half of the words before his brain fell apart like a wet cake. He led us to the line for closing gates, advised we should wait and all would be ok. We stood patiently in the line for 20 minutes. We got to the front of the line and the lady, who we shall from this point refer to a Vacant, explained that she had literally just that second closed the flight and we had missed it. We complained that we had done as instructed and she said it was the child’s fault because he should have advised her that we were trying to board a closing flight and that because he hadn’t told her it was therefore our fault we had missed the plane.

Confused by this process of blame apportioning, another check in clerk, who we shall refer to as Not That Bright, tried to blame us for not responding to the last call for the flight as we should have made ourselves known. I argued that the last call had not been made. Not That Bright then questioned Vacant on whether she had done a final call. Vacant did what she does best and looked, well,…… After establishing that the child had not informed Vacant we were here, and Vacant had forgotten to do a last call and that all of this was irreversible, and my fault, Not That Bright and Vacant conferred to agree this was not a problem they wished to deal with and told us to get in a very, very long line of very, very unhappy people at the quite wrongly titled ‘Customer Services Counter’ as it was in fact a Customer Shouting Desk. We complained and requested the attention of a manager.

Out came Colin, a man so angry all his hair had literally fallen out. He was so aggressive I can only assume he had accidentally inserted something sharp into somewhere private and been unable to remove it before he came to work. He was definitely a middle Gimp. I know this as Vacant and Not That Bright were clearly quite scared of him, and he can’t have been a Big Cheese as he was talking directly to customers and we all know from the papers that no-one in Big Cheese management at Ryan Air has ever seen, let alone spoken to an actual customer.

Middle Gimp had clearly listen hard at Ryan Air Middle Gimp school as he managed to take two perfectly calm and sane adults and in a matter of seconds reduce them to angry people considering violence.

‘Check in opens 3 hours before the flight’ he barked repeatedly as if it was the answer to every question in life. We tried to ask Middle Gimp direct questions about why it was necessary for us to miss the flight because the Child had forgotten to do his job, and Vacant had forgotten to do hers.

‘Why is this our fault, and why should we miss the flight because Ryan Air staff have admitted they made errors?.

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘Do you acknowledge we have just cause for complaint as we tried to do the right thing and the only reason we are not on the plane is because of communication failures with Ryan Air Staff?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘What colour are my trousers?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘Do you think economic sanctions on Russia will diffuse the escalating situation in Ukraine?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘Were Man Utd right to fire David Moyes?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘My tinkle is hurting, could you take a look if I promise not to tell anyone?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

Middle Gimp then conferred with Vacant and Not That Bright, and agreed that this was all our fault as we should have noticed that Child had made an error and we should have called the flight ourselves to assist Vacant in doing her job because she was clearly busy being, well,…… Middle Gimp then insisted we go to customer the Customer Shouting Desk, as he was definitely not going to do anything else. This was handy as the queue was very long so that by the time we would reach the front the plane would be half way to Bratislava and the problem would be solved.

We waited patiently in line as customer after customer stood at the desk to hear the same song;

‘No, no, I can’t do that, no, there are no Middle Gimps available, no, no, sorry, no, give me all your money’

We got to the Customer Shouting Desk and explained our plight to the lady there (who was actually very nice and clearly should not be working for Ryan Air as a result). She apologised but explained that Middle Gimp had finished being angry for the day and had returned to his padded cage and there were no other Middle Gimps around. We would have to book in to the flight for the next day and we would have to pay £110 each to change the ticket. When she tried to re-book the flight she said that the flight we had tried to get was actually delayed by 1 hour and still at the air port and that what we should do is run to the gate with all our luggage, she would call through and they would check our bags into the hold at the gate. We ran as fast as we could, which is not very fast because I am fat, to security to do as instructed. Security advised us that because our flight should have left, even though it hadn’t, the ticket machine would not open the barrier for us and we would need to return to the Customer Shouting Desk.

We waited patiently in the very long queue yet again for about 40 minutes to discover the nice lady had also gone home now so we had to explain the whole thing again to a new lady that looked like all the joy had been removed from her life at birth. She recited the Ryan Air customer services song with a sterling level of apathy and dreariness, I am surprised she could muster the will just to breather and stay alive.

‘No, no, I can’t do that, no, there are no Middle Gimps available, no, no, sorry, no, give me all your money’

She recited it with perfection, Middle Gimps across the world would have been in awe and the effectiveness of the techniques taught in Middle Gimp School. Seeing no other option but to hand over all our cash and come back the next morning we happily paid and got new flights.

As the new flight was at 6.25am in the morning we decided to get a hotel, we paid £79 for a room and got a taxi.

So, our customer experience was insightful and liberating. From the incompetent Child with a brain so full of girls and Vauxhall Corsa modifications he couldn’t actually listen or speak, through Vacant and Not That Bright who decided on reflection that anything they did wrong was our fault for not pointing it out to them, right through Middle Gimp who made a Tasmanian Devil look calm and Zen like, and the sad one, oh so sad, having every last drop of life sucked out of her by her chosen career at the Ryan Air Customer Shouting Desk. I very nearly jumped over the desk just to give her a cuddle and tell her everything would be alright if she could just muster the will to leave the Ryan Air Customer Shouting Desk and find a more fulfilling job, like starting the very first Israeli pork pie factory, or being a parking attendant in Tower Hamlets, or in fact just resigning herself to a slow and uncomfortable death would have been indistinguishable from the current position and would require much less effort.

The net result of this ‘experience’ was;

New Flights – £220
Hotel £79
Taxi x 2 £50
Worlds most expensive sandwich in the only hotel we could get £35

1 x significant breach of Tort Law (2008 as quoted by Lord Atkin) by Ryan Air, Google it, it’s a cracking read. I will leave you to decide the monetary value of this.

1 x very angry and upset wife, in particular with Middle Gimp for being so unbelievably rude.

1 x Missed wedding reception for our Slovakian family (sorry, forgot to mention this nugget earlier) who all turned up from all over the country to see us for an event we were forced to miss, because Child and Vacant are clueless at best and Middle Gimp has anger management issues.

So, thank you Ryan Air for a comfortable and enjoyable experience. I have watched a program called the news so I fully expect this to land on the desk of the customer services team underneath the empty bottles and sandwich wrappers that you also file there. You treated us badly, you cost us money and made us miss our wedding reception through a display of incompetence I have not seen since Greece was allowed to have money and a cheque book.

I sincerely doubt you will do anything about this, compensate us, apologise, or even respond according to the news, so I have sent this recorded and sign for delivery to absolutely confirm my opinion of Ryan Air and that it is not just ‘lost in the post’


You bunch of …………….

D J Lockley

P.S. Maybe Middle Gimp in particular, but Child, Not That Bright, and Vacant should purchase one of your reasonable priced tickets and go to Slovakia (assuming they were actually allowed on the plane). The Ryan Air employees there are smart, clever, bilingual, helpful, and polite and they should in my opinion experience an example of how they should do their job. The Slovak staff could explain it to them, but they wouldn’t be able to understand it for them, so it may be a waste of time after all.

Surely this is a case for the police?

Yesterday I happened to get a glimpse of the front page of The Sun. For those who didn’t see it the headline read:

“Britain’s youngest parents
Mum, 12, pregnant at primary school, dad’s 13″

Reading like some bizarre entry from the Guinness Book of Records, it detailed how a girl had got pregnant at 11 while at primary school by a boy aged just 12. According to the article, the 12-year-old’s mother is being very supportive: “Her mum is sticking behind her. She was a teenage mum as well, so she isn’t being judgemental.” There was also a quote from a ‘family member’ saying “The baby’s mum and dad have been in a relationship for more than a year, so this isn’t a fleeting romance. They intend to stick together and bring their daughter up together.” A relationship? As one columnist put it in an article today “Adults have relationships. Twelve-year-olds have nits and Nintendos”!

Have I missed something here? Last time I looked what appears to have happened is a serious criminal offence. We shouldn’t be reading about this as a story that was presumably sold to The Sun by someone but in the court reports. Instead of going to the police somebody has run to a journalist with a big fat cheque book. Can we, as a society, stoop much lower?

What about the parents? So the grandmother isn’t being judgemental that her daughter has had sex at the age of 11. Is she the same parent who doesn’t care how her child behaves in school and thereby wrecks the education of all the other children in the class?

Is someone going to call the police?

O hear us when we cry to Thee….. In memoriam – Charles Edwin Smith 1867 – 1912



On this day in 1912 my Great, Great Uncle Charles Edwin Smith drowned on board the SS Titanic. Various reports have him listed as either a kitchen porter or bedroom steward earning just £3 10s 0d a month. Whatever his occupation, he left a wife Agnes and two children to grieve for him.

A memorial service was held for the dead in St. Mary’s, Southampton on 20th April where they sung Hymn 184 “Rock of Ages”, Psalm 39 “I said I will take heed to my ways”, Psalm 23 and, of course, Hymn 370 “Eternal Father strong to save”.





Requiem Aeternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetuae luceat eis. Requiescant in pace. Amen

Fair Pay for a Day’s Work?

Since April 2013 the starting salary for a police constable with no previous experience has been £19,000. If the recruit has a new certified policing qualification, or previous experience as a special constable or PCSO, he or she starts on £21,000.

Joining the police, wherever you choose to serve, involves danger. In some areas every day that you go out on patrol you face the possibility of being abused, assaulted, stabbed or even shot. Thankfully here in the UK we have one of the lowest rates of police murders in the world but regardless of that, police officers in this country are killed on duty.

I think these starting salaries are a disgrace.

You won’t be surprised then that I found this advert in Southwark Diocese’s newspaper interesting:



I have absolutely no doubt that the salary being offered for this job is a fair one. I’m sure being a personal assistant to two busy archdeacons is “…challenging, varied and proactive”. I also don’t need convincing that the applicant needs to be “…highly organised, flexible, able to manage projects on your own initiative and work under pressure…without compromising accuracy and attention to detail”. In other words, I feel this starting salary is ‘fair pay for a day’s work’. However this person will, in general anyway, not be dealing with victims of crime or arresting dangerous criminals.

I have read enough recently on social media about how resentful serving police officers are of the current government. Is it any wonder that they feel under-valued when they see that other people are being paid what they’re worth? New police officers are not even starting in line with the National Average Wage of £26,500. Respect to the Church of England for at least offering a salary banding that encompasses it.


Could they look any less respectful?


For the uninitiated this is the current Manchester United football team. They are pictured here paying tribute to the people who died in an air crash in 1958 when British European Airways flight 609 crashed on its third attempt to take off from a slush-covered runway at Munich Airport. On the plane was the entire Manchester United football team of the day, nicknamed the “Busby Babes”, along with supporters and journalists. 20 of the 44 passengers on the aircraft died instantly. Those that survived the crash were taken to hospital in Munich where three more died later of their injuries. Eight of those who died where Manchester players, three were club staff.

Now I accept that none of today’s players were alive in 1958. In fact it’s possible that most of their parents weren’t around either but it was a huge tragedy for the club and no doubt still haunts the memories of those that survived (one of them being Sir Bobby Charlton). Maybe I’m just getting old (actually there’s no ‘maybe’ about that!) but could any of these players look any less respectful if they tried? I’m not very good at naming them but at least five have their hands in their pockets and one has his tie loosened with his headphones still wrapped around his neck!